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JUST FRIENDS

Once upon a time, I fell in love with my best friend. We lived about 15 minutes from each other so there was many a ride together to school. When we got there, we hung out in the same place with the same people so there was many a lunch eaten, many a movie watched and many an hour spent together. We’d ride home together and when we got home, we’d call each other up and spend many an hour on the phone. After that, we’d hang up and write short letters to each other. We spent so much time together; I did the unthinkable and told her I loved her…many a time. And many a time I got shot down.

Once again upon a time, I fell in love with another of my best friends. As before, there were the gimmicks upon gimmicks on end. The phone calls upon phone calls on end. The hours spent together on end talking about everything and nothing and still enjoying it. And in the end, brought about by the prospect of death, I proclaimed my love for her. Same old ending. I would have rather died that day than face her after my proclamation.

The empirical evidence is staring me up in my face. I can’t and shouldn’t fall in love with friends. But I can’t help it. Sure, there have also been once-upon-a-times that have had me face to face with romantic, passionate moments. I shunned these, clinging to my sliver of hope that one day I could find someone who could actually fall in love with me after being my friend first.

In my heart, I need to see the person at their worst first and love them in spite of that. I need to see the best the person can be and see if I could have a part in it. Whoever she is, I need hear her stories, know what makes her cry, know if I can make her laugh, find out her quirks and discover her qualities.

My friends beware. I could strike at any moment.