BOUNCE WITH ME

I had the strangest dream. I dreamt of the one night in my life I would have wanted to do all over again. Now, people who know me know that that word is not in my vocabulary. But then, there it was - almost perfect in every detail. I believe that the last time I thought about it was in 2003 when I was freelancing (sounds much better than jobless).

The night in question happened on the night of Blue Roast 1998. Back then, I made the first of many attempts to get the former love of my life out of my life. Earlier that morning, I dropped off a letter at the tutorial center where she worked to tell her that the only way I could get over her was to not to be around her. That presented quite a conundrum, seeing that our entire batch was getting together that night and I couldn't be with my barkada since she would also be there.

Fate played a a hand and I ran into SK. I knew SK since her freshman year - I was the tNt facilitator who welcomed her to Ateneo. Over the years, we'd run into each other in the corridor or the caf but it wasn't until the summer before senior year that we became close. We both had summer classes so we'd often hang out during breaks. When the schoolyear started, not a week went by where we didn't spend some time with each other.

One day, she asked me if I could accompany her to UP. She was going to apply for law school and she didn't want to go alone. We jumped in her car then headed towards the Diliman campus. After making note of the requirements, we stopped at the University mall to get some photocopies done then went to the post office to get some stamps. While we were waiting in line, she hugged me. This turned into a warm embrace that we only let go of when we finally got to the counter to purchase the stamps. When we got to the Law School building, she took my hand in hers and we stayed that way until we got back to Ateneo.

At that time, I was still madly smitten by the former love of my life so I didn;t know what to make of it. They were both cute, short chinitas, so there was something of a physical attraction I guess.

To make a long story short, SK and her best friend were my dates for the evening. We didn't stay too long though. My female friends in the barkada were giving me the evil eye and SK's friend had a curfew so we ditched the party and brought her home. She then invited me back to her house in Greenhills. We went to the living room and sat on the couch where we talked for hours. Me about the former love of my life and the events of the day. She of her non-existent lovelife. It ended up with her and me staring at each other with our faces just a few inches from each other.

Stupid me, I said that maybe we should head outside where it was cooler.

We sat by her pool and we talked some more. There was a blue moon out and she loked so beautiful in its light. This of course I told her as we held hands again. Then something hit me. There I was in one of the most idyllic, romantic settings I could ever imagine myself in. I could have leaned in for a kiss. It could have gone somewhere beyond the friend zone.

But I had just let go of the greatest love of my life earlier that morning. I was unsure. I felt that it wasn't fair to SK. So I made an excuse that the driver had to go home.

We embraced one last time and I told her that I didn't know what was happening and where this was going. I asked her to give me some time to sort this through then I kissed her on the forehead.

Then I left.

She did enter law school and we both got very busy. Needless to say, I never got another chance to revisit the magic of that night. And apparently, I still wonder about it to this day. Could she have been my happy ever after?

Did I blow my fairy-tale ending?

And what made me dream about it last night?

Posted by Jay on 5.04.2006 at 5:56 PM | Permalink