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HAPPY ENDINGS

A few weeks ago, I had to sit through the movie "Duplex" which my aunt Baby generously added to my DVD collection. I thought to myself, "Swell! A Danny De Vito film!" I honestly liked "Death to Smoochy" so I figured that I could do no wrong with this film.

I was wrong.

After spending an agonizing hour and a half of watching Ben Stiller's and Drew Barrymore's misfortunes, I was at least hoping for a cathartic ending.

Wrong again.

After seeing the movie, I decided that the next subject of my blog would be the worst movie endings of all time. At least, in my extensive collection of films.

1. Fallen

This movie starred Denzel Washington and you spend the movie watching his life fall apart as a fallen angel comes to earth to raise some hell. In the end, Denzel loses everything and sacrifices himself to rid the world of this evil. But instead of getting a sense of closure, we see that the angel survives... by transferring his soul into a cat. A CAT!!! Stupid movie.

2. View From the Top
Gwyneth Paltrow plays a stewardess who was cheated out of manning the premier flights by her best friend played by Christina Applegate. In the end, the truth surfaces and everybody gets their just desserts. Gwyneth and Christina meet up for one last time for what one would think would be a reconciliation. Sadly though, Christina's character doesn't show a shred of remorse and is even angry at her "betrayal." Again, a lack of catharsis from a really stupid movie (I hate Gwyneth Paltrow...why did I even bother buying the stupid movie?

3. Duplex
The story is about a happy couple who find their dream house, only to find it co-inhabited by an old lady who leads their lives to ruin. they attempt to kill her but in the end save her life. In the end, they're forced to give up their home only to find the old lady dead when they go up to say goodbye. In the end, it's revealed that it's all a scam cooked up by the lady, the real estate agent and a cop. Our heroes lost everything they had and the ugly twist makes you turn off the video wishing you could get back the last few hours.

4. Identity
Some strangers find themselves trapped in a motel while they get picked off one by one. It is revealed that they are actually split personalities of one person being killed off by the dominant evil personality of a killer. In the dream world, all is well but all the other personalities were killed, save one. In the fantasy world, she moves to Florida to live a happy life...
not. It turns out, the dominant evil personality never died and kills the last good personality. Shit.

5. Matrix Reloaded and Revolutions
I don't need to say anything.

Sorry about the extrmemely long post (Ryan) but think about this line as the happy ending to this piece.

INXS: Fresh off the heels of my hosting AA's wedding reception, I am hosting a debut later this evening. It's a paying gig so I plan on visitng DVD land again soon. If any of you need a good/inexpensive host, give me a call!!!